What is the largest animal you could kill whilst naked?

[Huggles]

Hmm...I'm pretty sure I could kill a sperm whale as long as we were on dry land. I mean, I'd just have to sit and wait for it to die, right? Maybe a lion? I saw something on television—so it must be true—where a guy reached into the mouth of a big cat and ripped out its tongue. I'd probably lose the use of my arm, if not the entire thing, in the process.

As a general rule, humans suck when we can't use tools and I find that very depressing.

[Twofold Black]

I saw something on television—so it must be true—where a guy reached into the mouth of a big cat and ripped out its tongue. I'd probably lose the use of my arm, if not the entire thing, in the process.

I read a story about this when it first hit the news. Hilariously, it's the first ghit for 'leopard tongue'. This is not the article I read back then, but it does the job.

As a general rule, humans suck when we can't use tools and I find that very depressing.

But when we can use tools, we are better than virtually every other animal on the planet at their own games -- excepting fringe cases like weird deep-sea creatures that are good at stuff too bizarre for us to dream it up on our own, and insects that break the laws of physics. We're specialized tool-users, that's all.

We are good at one other thing that most other species aren't: humans have incredible stamina. By the standards of the rest of the animal kingdom (especially those portions of the animal kingdom that have dentition similar to ours), jogging for half an hour in the morning is an ostentatious display of badassery. Early humans were cursorial hunters. They'd spook a food animal, follow it at a brisk walk until it calmed down, then spook it again. Eventually the animal would drop from exhaustion and make for easy butcherin'. Humans, meanwhile, can just keep walking almost indefinitely, especially if supplied with plenty of calories, which is not a problem in this scenario because unlike anything else on the savannah they can carry those calories around in their hands.

[Spivsy]

You know those giant part bear, part lion, part shark, the beaonarks? One of those.

[Wingsrising]

We are good at one other thing that most other species aren't: humans have incredible stamina. By the standards of the rest of the animal kingdom (especially those portions of the animal kingdom that have dentition similar to ours), jogging for half an hour in the morning is an ostentatious display of badassery. Early humans were cursorial hunters. They'd spook a food animal, follow it at a brisk walk until it calmed down, then spook it again. Eventually the animal would drop from exhaustion and make for easy butcherin'. Humans, meanwhile, can just keep walking almost indefinitely, especially if supplied with plenty of calories, which is not a problem in this scenario because unlike anything else on the savannah they can carry those calories around in their hands.

In the off-chance you haven't seen it, they showed a persistance hunt like this on the last episode of "The Life of Mammals." Pretty damn cool.

I read some papers about persistance hunting after seeing that episode and it sounds like there are two really big keys to this. One, human locomotion is more efficient than ungulate locomotion in a particular range of speeds (I guess ungulates don't do so well in the range of speeds that are faster than they can easily walk and slower than they can easily run). Two, humans sweat. A lot. Even better, we can carry water with us to replace what we sweat. This means we can cool ourselves WAY more efficently than most animals. So, the hunters persue the animals on hot dry days, at speeds that the animals can't run efficently at, and they eventually overheat and collapse from exhaustion. Er, the animals, I mean, although apparently if the hunters aren't careful this might be a problem for them as well. (I gather the author of one of the papers keeled over at least once while following persistance hunters during the course of his research.)

I have a friend who claims to know someone who can kill a deer with a knife this way. Apparently requires damn good tracking skills (and being in excellent shape, of course). Lacking tracking skills of any kind, and usually walking no farther than the parking lot, I think it's pretty unlikely I could kill a deer while naked.

[Twofold Black]

(I guess ungulates don't do so well in the range of speeds that are faster than they can easily walk and slower than they can easily run)

I think even ungulates with an even number of toes (Ty should be along shortly with the term for these, which I do not know off the top of my head) change gaits when they pass a given speed threshold, so that makes sense.

[Wingsrising]

(I guess ungulates don't do so well in the range of speeds that are faster than they can easily walk and slower than they can easily run)

I think even ungulates with an even number of toes (Ty should be along shortly with the term for these, which I do not know off the top of my head) change gaits when they pass a given speed threshold, so that makes sense.

I went poking around the papers I had read again and it sounds like they key transition is actually from trotting to galloping, not walking to running as I originally wrote. I don't totally follow the argument since it involves a lot of biomechanics but I guess the idea is that most animals are designed to run efficiently at only a fairly small range of speeds -- so there's an optimal trotting speed, and optimal galloping speed, etc., but they're not nearly so efficient at in-between speeds. Wheras apparently for humans the only important transition is between walking and running: once we're running our efficency doesn't change with speed.

I guess animals can't pant when they gallop, and no animal sweats like a human (nope, not even a racehorse) so they eventually overheat.

Interesting.

[Arviragus]

I think even ungulates with an even number of toes (Ty should be along shortly with the term for these, which I do not know off the top of my head) change gaits when they pass a given speed threshold, so that makes sense.

Even-toed ungulates are artiodactyls. Odd-toed, perissodactyls .

Back on-topic, I'd like to think I could kill a llama whilst nakie, but I think it would be much more likely that something the size of a goat would be more along the lines of what I could handle. Or an anteater.

[Huggles]

You people and your damnable logic. Yes, tools are awesome, but who wouldn't want a giant whip tail, huge claws, or venomous spit?

Oh oh oh. I know, I could kill a sloth. If I could climb its tree, I'm sure I could.

[Twofold Black]

You people and your damnable logic.

Yes, good point: humans are really good at abstract thought.

Or was that not what you were getting at.

[Madge]

A giant whip tail would kick arse. You can have huge claws and venomous spit if you play dungeon crawl, though. Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup is possibly the best game in the universe (the tiled version is a bit more user friendly than the ASCII version).

Damnit, now I'm thinking of which dinosaur I could kill whilst naked. Probably something like a dromiceiomimus, I guess. Except they're fast little mothers so maybe not.

Also, Daniel M'Mburugu wins at this thread. DANIEL, COME OUT AND TAKE A BOW.

As for cutting cat toenails - the best way we've found on my cat is for one of us to hold her and the other one to trim her nails. She lies back, rather resigned, and lets us do our business. It means you can hold the paw without having to hold the cat. She's not too scratchy at least. I guess we're lucky.

[daysleeper]

ok, question... is the animal allowed to try and run away? B/c if it's limited to animals I can catch, that limits the options drastically.

Madge --- We use the same method with our cats. Works pretty well. Our dogs are the ones that put up a major hissy. The one actually shakes, and I've never hurt her once in 10 years aside from occasionally stepping on her foot while walking. I swear she thinks I'm going to amputate a toe. -shakes head-

[Jazzy]

And when you're naked, it means you have no shoes on so your running ability will be limited. Most people here wouldn't go barefoot often enough to have toughened feet, so we'd be in pain fairly quickly, even assuming there wasn't anything around like glass or wasps to tread on.

So, with that said, I don't think there's much I'd be able to kill at all until I got some shoes.

[Twofold Black]

So, with that said, I don't think there's much I'd be able to kill at all until I got some shoes.

You'd have to immediately kill two of some easy-pickings creature and put it on your feet. Then you would be free to commence your crimes against nature.

[danceu4ia]

Could (Can) kill ginormous Costa Rica insects, much to the dismay of entomologist guide. That milipede was f*cking huge, and I didn't even see it before...*squish* >.<

But it can't be able to defend itself, or I'm outta there. The wasps there are huge, and could kill you if you get stung too close too your heart. Approx. 2 ft radius of paralyzed tissue. O_o

So yeah...no where near as brave as you bear killers!

[Jazzy]

What would make a good pair of shoes? Rabbits, perhaps? I haven't particularly big feet, but even I can tell that the squirrels outside my window are too small.