Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

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Usul_Princess
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Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by Usul_Princess »

You know, I somewhat anticipated it, but I didn't think it would come down to his father disowning him for being in an interracial relationship. I only suspected that his dad was the driving force against this attemped union, because when I met them for the first time he refused to acknowledge my prescence, sit next to me at the dinner table, or give me eye contact. Ironically, I actually think that his psycho-mother, who is infatuated with Andy, would go to great lengths to see any would-be grandchildren aside from having a bigot husband. His mother (whom I hate even more than his dad) does petty stuff like throw all the gifts I gave him in the attic, and may even pitch his some clothes I gave him. It got so bad he told me to send stuff to his P.O. box and not directly to the house. She tries to coax me into divulging anything about my personal life in an attempt to throw it in Andy's face the second he gets off a 12-hour shift. She doesn't work, and is a shopaholic. "Why get a job with my Bachelor's and nursing degree when I have two men who are supposed to take care of me? I mean, it is 1954 yanno?" Both my mother and grandmother are convinced that grandchildren will heal the situation. Frankly, it won't do jack shit. I would never expose my kid to their melodrama about keeping the bloodline pure. I don't feel like appeasing people (even in-laws) who won't give me a chance first. Part of me wants to be more angry about it, but I'm not. I'm only sad for Andy and my (non-existant) kids. Obviously because he's losing his family. But if severed family ties go along as "planned", how will he explain to the children "Why can't I see my other grandparents?"

"Because they hate your mother, and the fact that you exist through her."

Andy's a step away from being estatic about being disowned. (Which freaks me the hell out, and makes me chuckle in a morbid-kinda way.) He has a more of a 'good riddance' mentality about it, which is the better route I suppose. I'm just not used to a family that falls apart at the seams because of his choice in partner. I have a medium-sized immediate and very, very large extended family who are tight-knit, and do the whole "shame on you" thing when you alienate yourself from your family without a damn good reason.
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm not as sad or resentful (or even happy that he chose me over his family) as I think I should be. Just....numb.
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Fjorab_Teke
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by Fjorab_Teke »

Ugh, poor Andy, and poor you. And poor kids if/when they come.

Some people are just too absorbed in old ways of thinking, mired in "hate them because...." Really, what's the difference between someone having a different skin color and someone having a different hair color? I'm fortunate to have been raised in such a way that it didn't occur to my sister and me that "Granny Mabel" wasn't related to us somehow, and it didn't matter that she was black.

It sounds a lot like my own husband's family, even though I'm somewhat normal to them (aside from not dressing like a "proper lady" and "taking him away from his family"). We don't dare reveal things like how we met, or how we feel about other races and sexual orientations. We only visit them during Christmas, since even he is glad not to be mired in their closed-minded drama. Last year, we nixed the trip up there because he said he didn't have the time or energy to deal with it.

Boy, if Obama gets elected...I get the feeling the four of us won't have a lot of peace if there's political talk come family gathering time. :P
Usul_Princess
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by Usul_Princess »

Fjorab_Teke wrote:
Boy, if Obama gets elected...I get the feeling the four of us won't have a lot of peace if there's political talk come family gathering time. :P
Heh, something like that crossed my mind too. I'm expecting some insane chaos like 21st century hoses and attack dogs at the polls before the election date. But it is beyond me to envision a world (social-heirchy wise) in Obama's hands. It would bring the US out of the dark ages and into the present so fast, that there wouldn't be a reason to be trivial anymore. We're like, 100 years behind every other country when it comes to tolerance, and I'm fascinated on how that would turn bigots on their head.

And I do have Elitists that married into my family, and I know exactly how you feel Fjorab. They made a surprise visit when I happened to be visiting my grandma last week, and they are so unfamiliar with our side of the family, that they barely know our names, let alone get the sisters and cousins mixed up after being related by marriage for 11 years. I don't like the idea to have to act a certain way around my own family, so we just don't know (or care) what goes on in their life, because why put on a show for family you could care less about impressing?

I was so angry when my mom bought a $400.00 china set for Thanksgiving when I was 17 so they wouldn't have a reason to talk about how our plates don't match, and it might make us look "poor". If the $560,000. house doesn't 'wow' 'em, nothing will.
Melainey comes at me so humbly and says "I was at your thanksgiving dinner!"....yeah that was like 8 years ago. We haven't seen you since, and we don't want to.
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by Fjorab_Teke »

On the other swing of politics, I was surprised to find out about Palin, who I hadn't even heard of before. When I learned more about her, it made me wonder how she could be from Alaska, as it was obvious that she must be from central rural Kentucky instead (as in, just like my husband's and father's families, but preppier). I don't mind when someone is set in their conservative ways, for the most part. But bringing that to the forefront of US government and forcing that on all US citizens doesn't settle well with me.

Chances are, where I live, my vote won't count for much. But dangit, I'm going to anyway.

Either way, whoever wins will probably be a better direction than I think we're going now.

/politics

An ending note, my husband's grandmother once said aloud, "I ain't racist, but them colored people shouldn't be mixin' like that." He and I just looked at each other. It's typical.
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by gomababe »

It's sad that racism and bigotry are still alive and well in certian parts of the worlld in the 21st Century and I feel for you and Andrew Usul_Princess.

On the subject of politics: As a person living in the UK, I'd prefer Obama over McCain simply because Obama's political stance matches my political views quite closely. I think most of Europe would rather the Democrats got back into office simply because their stance on most platforms are more palatable than the far, far more conservative platform of the only other viable party in the U.S.
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23639377
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by 23639377 »

Sorry my English is so bad that I only half of the content... I think I'm missing out some key points... but... what's your relationship with the family?

Oh... did I just heard something about Obama and McGain? I think Obama was defeated by Palin... Just my thinking....
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by KauKrazy »

I don't honestly have much of an opinion as to who should win the elections, that's up to the American people to decide. I haven't bothered to research the candidate's programs and main points, but that's what the decision should be based on, and not skin colour.

But the stuff you wrote about Andy's family... I cannot believe it. They would disown their own son, who they have brought to this world, raised and loved all their life, because they disapprove of his wife? Do they think they own him? Shouldn't he be the one who gets to decide who he wants to be with and who makes him happy? Oh man. I thought problems like that were over a long time ago! Obviously they aren't... :x
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Usul_Princess
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by Usul_Princess »

23639377 wrote:Sorry my English is so bad that I only half of the content... I think I'm missing out some key points... but... what's your relationship with the family?

Oh, okay. The subject went to politics real fast at first, then back to what my Fiancé's family thinks of me.....
They hate me. A lot. So much that his parents want to get rid of their only son, Andrew, because he wants to marry me, a black woman. His parents, when I went to go visit them didn't want to get to know me. They wanted me to be afraid of their family so much, that'd I'd go away and not come back, but treating me bad while I was there.

I hoped that helped some, 23639377 :)

I try to just chalk it up to in-law drama: (Mother won't cut the umbilical cord, Dad is stuck in 1920.) Part of me wishes I can just abduct him while he's at work and fly him back to Michigan and say to his family "He's our son now, bitch." I wouldn't care less about his family if he actually lived here, but it makes it so hard taking these painful baby steps considering my age. I'm 24, he's 25. And under the complete dictation and control of our parents. It's a race against time to get out of college. (Insurance is gone on my 25th birthday) And we're trying to move to Canada to get better jobs. I speak fluent french, but I probably won't get in so far as across the Detroit border because I don't want to be too far from my extended family that lives in Detroit.
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23639377
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Re: Andrew is getting disowned by his family.....*headdesk*

Post by 23639377 »

Sorry about that. How could Andy's parents be possibly doing that, they're so cruel!
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